Building my own foundation

What did Jesus, Buddha and Nietszche have in common? They each tried to build their own foundation of thought. They questioned their perceived notions about the world, their cultural religion, and themselves.

They took the time to think through things instead of just believing and listening to everyone else around them. They made it a priority to work through the eternal questions instead of just believing what their forefathers said were the answers to those questions.

If there is any one major failure of all major religions of the world it is this one simple thing. Corporate religion has destroyed the need in people to seek out the answers with passion, conviction and humility. Corporate religion has taught that all answers can be found and have been found within our foundational thought processes and writings. Our forefathers figured it out and now we simply develop other ideas from their base presuppositions and conclusions on theology, philosophy, etc.

I don't want to be Martin Luther. I don't want to be Jesus Christ. I want to be Zane. Not because I want my name in history but for the soul purpose of having my own journey. I don't want the journey of my forefathers. I want my own journey. The only thing I want to glean from guys like Jesus and Buddha is their desire to be real and their desire to deconstruct the world idealogies in order to formulate better perspectives.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with having teachers, mentors, and spiritual guides in life. In fact I believe these are imperative to assisting in the development of that which may be necessary to start the holistic journey of discovery. But those guides need to teach us how to add, how to spell, how to use logic, how to speak etc. They do not need to teach us absolutes about theology or philosphy. The human mind is, through experience and thought, in my opinion, and for the most part, when taught the appropriate basic functions, capable of figuring out that which Jesus and Buddha figured out.

I also believe that community is a great way to assist in the development of views. As we dialogue people can assist in pointing out what seems to make sense and what doesn't.

Will write more later......

Goals?

I find it hard to find reason for owning a home apart from financial benefit. I could argue that it provides me a place for my family, friends and those in need and that works somewhat.

But I can easily rent a place and accomplish the same thing. I guess building equity for my childrens future is another. Future. Future consumerism. Future materialism. Future capitalism. Future.

I can envision owning land with a community of people who want to be free from corporate everything. I feel lost here, in this place. I feel strangled, I can't breathe right. I feel like I just don't fit and every day that goes by is another day that I feel myself burrowing back inside me.

My daughter has bunnies in a cage in her room. They don't belong there but they live there. They are fed. They are taken out each day to run around. They are placed back in the cage. I'm no different then those bunnies. I am stuck with no way out.

So where do I fit? I am living in my choices. This is the result of my choices. I chose to be a part of the corporate conspiracy we call democratic capitalism. I chose to go to bible college. I chose to marry my wife. I chose to have children. I chose to buy a house. I chose to be a part of the religious corporation. I chose to start a church. I chose to go into debt. I chose to have an affair. I chose to leave my family. I chose to come back to my family. I chose it and now I am living it.

So now I am responsible for my choices. I do love my family. I love my wife. I love my kids. But those are words.

I'm scared to go back to work. I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to do something that has purpose. And not some purpose that I have to contrive in order to make it through a day. This isn't what it should be like. There is something broken. There is something that is just wrong about how we are living. It feels like I am insane when I am in the midst of this world's structure.