The Intent of Giving

I am presently examining my intent in giving. I am performing a wedding soon and I am doing it for free. But I recently lost my credentials so I have to get someone else to sign the papers. That person requires 200 bucks to do it. Oddly enough I performed the same task for him and volunteered my services for free. The groom ended up paying me anyway but my intent was to give on behalf of my friend.

Now there is nothing wrong with what my friend has done in requesting money for his services. There are expenses such as gas and wear and tear on the car. So it only makes sense.

But for some reason I find myself never wanting to ask for money, oft times, even with people I don't know. Upon analyzing my feelings I think that I don't want them to think that I care more about money then I do about them. I don't want them to feel as if they are just a means to an end. I want them to feel special especially on a day when they are celebrating love.

And then there are times when I offer my services for free but deep down you are thinking, "I could really use the money right now to pay some bills so I hope they are able to give me something." But again never wanting to ask because I don't want them to feel less then money.

What is my intent when I message my friends to talk with them? What is my intent when I write this blog? What is my intent when I buy a house; buy a car; buy stainless steel appliances vs white; etc. etc. etc.?

Is intent what matters when performing an action? The action may benefit another even if the intent is self involved but for the one performing the action if the intent is selfish or not out of love then is the 'actor' doing some level of damage to themself?

Now, to clarify, I think if two parties are in agreement to exchange services that that is okay. I am not dealing with that issue in this post. I am dealing with false intent parading as love.

I think perhaps why the teachers Jesus and Buudha taught to give to those who can't give back is true charity because then, and only then, can we be more assured that our intent is really love. And again Jesus also taught to do it in secret so no one else knows. Why? Because then you can be more assured that it was out of love and not for self gain.

Now what about translating that action, of giving to those who cant give back, over to giving to anyone at any time. Perhaps if we identify with the feeling, mental state, thought processes associated with that act of giving we can replicate it when we try to give to others, even when we may see personal benefit from giving to them.

So I guess its time I start giving more, in secrecy, to those who cant give back anything to me so I can remember what those feelings and states of being are.