Today I was told that I have a tendency to deconstruct views (such as Christianity) but offer no alternative belief system to replace the one being deconstructed. At first I was about to get defensive but then I reflected on the comment. They are absolutely right. I don't offer an alternative because I am not sure if there is, can be, or will be an alternative.
Why does there have to be some ultimate religious claim that exists that separates humans from one another instead of uniting them? Why does there have to be an ultimate leader who tells everyone what to do and what is right and wrong? Why are we so afraid of things being unknown, not having all the answers, not knowing what will happen after we die? Why do these things terrify humans?
Why can't we as humans simply accept the seeming reality of mystery, unanswerable questions; the possibility that we are in fact on this earth alone with only one another to depend on; the possibility that even if God exists and cares about us that he may just be letting us make our own choices and decisions without interference. Or why can't people be okay with the possibility that he may exist and is involved in every persons daily life?
So many differing faith groups claim to have all the answers. They claim they have discovered truth. They claim they have figured out the other side of existence such as heaven, hell, nirvana, sheol etc. And yet it can all be deconstructed.
The only stance that I seem to take presently after having deconstructed my past beliefs is that for some reason love seems to be a possible foundational answer to social constructs, relationships, thoughts, and life in general. Beyond that one aspect of an idealogical position which would then branch into ethics, morality, etc. I really hold no other position with confidence.
I don't know if Jesus was actually divine. I don't know if Buddha was divine. I don't know if there is a hell. I don't know if the earth was created in seven days or a billion years. I just don't know. I can look at the proposed evidence and make what may appear to be reasonable conclusions but in the end I will have to still say... "I don't have all the evidence and thus my conclusions are reserved and only based on possibilites and probabilities and not on 100% innerant fact."
So perhaps rather then saying I am a moderate universalist I may fit more into the category of a deconstructionalist who based on his past views and experiences holds to the possibility of moderate universalism being a reasonable ocean for swimming.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Intent of Giving
I am presently examining my intent in giving. I am performing a wedding soon and I am doing it for free. But I recently lost my credentials so I have to get someone else to sign the papers. That person requires 200 bucks to do it. Oddly enough I performed the same task for him and volunteered my services for free. The groom ended up paying me anyway but my intent was to give on behalf of my friend.
Now there is nothing wrong with what my friend has done in requesting money for his services. There are expenses such as gas and wear and tear on the car. So it only makes sense.
But for some reason I find myself never wanting to ask for money, oft times, even with people I don't know. Upon analyzing my feelings I think that I don't want them to think that I care more about money then I do about them. I don't want them to feel as if they are just a means to an end. I want them to feel special especially on a day when they are celebrating love.
And then there are times when I offer my services for free but deep down you are thinking, "I could really use the money right now to pay some bills so I hope they are able to give me something." But again never wanting to ask because I don't want them to feel less then money.
What is my intent when I message my friends to talk with them? What is my intent when I write this blog? What is my intent when I buy a house; buy a car; buy stainless steel appliances vs white; etc. etc. etc.?
Is intent what matters when performing an action? The action may benefit another even if the intent is self involved but for the one performing the action if the intent is selfish or not out of love then is the 'actor' doing some level of damage to themself?
Now, to clarify, I think if two parties are in agreement to exchange services that that is okay. I am not dealing with that issue in this post. I am dealing with false intent parading as love.
I think perhaps why the teachers Jesus and Buudha taught to give to those who can't give back is true charity because then, and only then, can we be more assured that our intent is really love. And again Jesus also taught to do it in secret so no one else knows. Why? Because then you can be more assured that it was out of love and not for self gain.
Now what about translating that action, of giving to those who cant give back, over to giving to anyone at any time. Perhaps if we identify with the feeling, mental state, thought processes associated with that act of giving we can replicate it when we try to give to others, even when we may see personal benefit from giving to them.
So I guess its time I start giving more, in secrecy, to those who cant give back anything to me so I can remember what those feelings and states of being are.
Now there is nothing wrong with what my friend has done in requesting money for his services. There are expenses such as gas and wear and tear on the car. So it only makes sense.
But for some reason I find myself never wanting to ask for money, oft times, even with people I don't know. Upon analyzing my feelings I think that I don't want them to think that I care more about money then I do about them. I don't want them to feel as if they are just a means to an end. I want them to feel special especially on a day when they are celebrating love.
And then there are times when I offer my services for free but deep down you are thinking, "I could really use the money right now to pay some bills so I hope they are able to give me something." But again never wanting to ask because I don't want them to feel less then money.
What is my intent when I message my friends to talk with them? What is my intent when I write this blog? What is my intent when I buy a house; buy a car; buy stainless steel appliances vs white; etc. etc. etc.?
Is intent what matters when performing an action? The action may benefit another even if the intent is self involved but for the one performing the action if the intent is selfish or not out of love then is the 'actor' doing some level of damage to themself?
Now, to clarify, I think if two parties are in agreement to exchange services that that is okay. I am not dealing with that issue in this post. I am dealing with false intent parading as love.
I think perhaps why the teachers Jesus and Buudha taught to give to those who can't give back is true charity because then, and only then, can we be more assured that our intent is really love. And again Jesus also taught to do it in secret so no one else knows. Why? Because then you can be more assured that it was out of love and not for self gain.
Now what about translating that action, of giving to those who cant give back, over to giving to anyone at any time. Perhaps if we identify with the feeling, mental state, thought processes associated with that act of giving we can replicate it when we try to give to others, even when we may see personal benefit from giving to them.
So I guess its time I start giving more, in secrecy, to those who cant give back anything to me so I can remember what those feelings and states of being are.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Potential Embracing of Universalism
It is like I am standing on the waters edge having only dipped my toes into the river. I have experience evangelicalism for 17 years. In the first couple years I was open to a god that was involved in all cultures and all faiths but slowly that perspective was brow beat from my system of beliefs. To believe such a thing, evangelicals taught, was to deny Christ and his sacrifice. And only now over the past couple of years have I been moving back to and forward to the embracing of a god who is found everywhere that is not exclusive to Christianity. Thus, I am moving from the edge of the river and dipping my toes into a world that lifts the burden from my shoulders to defend and proseltyze a religious system that is archaic, illogical, arrogant, and that which causes dissension in the world.
I am now free to examine and search for answers and to love without false intent, or alterior motives. I am free to love for the sake of love. To love because forefathers such as Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, etc. learned that love is the answer and displayed that it really is something that can change the world.
I no longer have to believe that the evangelical canon is somehow the only legitimate canon. I no longer have to read any canon to find enlightenment. I can reflect, think, meditate, converse and if I choose I can read whatever I choose to read. I can read the Pali Canon and see if I can find truth within its pages. I can read books on Hinduism and seek out the truth of our universe in its pages. I can compile, rip apart, meditate and conclude that which differs from evangelicalism without spiritual recourse.
I am free to love. I am free to think. And now the journey begins to discovering further insights into a universe that contains many 'I''s or that I think contains many "I"'s. I am ready to go neck deep into the river.
I am now free to examine and search for answers and to love without false intent, or alterior motives. I am free to love for the sake of love. To love because forefathers such as Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, etc. learned that love is the answer and displayed that it really is something that can change the world.
I no longer have to believe that the evangelical canon is somehow the only legitimate canon. I no longer have to read any canon to find enlightenment. I can reflect, think, meditate, converse and if I choose I can read whatever I choose to read. I can read the Pali Canon and see if I can find truth within its pages. I can read books on Hinduism and seek out the truth of our universe in its pages. I can compile, rip apart, meditate and conclude that which differs from evangelicalism without spiritual recourse.
I am free to love. I am free to think. And now the journey begins to discovering further insights into a universe that contains many 'I''s or that I think contains many "I"'s. I am ready to go neck deep into the river.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Changing the Landscape of our Society
Sorry, that goes against policy. Sorry, if we do that we are setting a precedant for future activity. Sorry, it wouldn't be in the best interest of the company to help out that person. Sorry, doing that pro bono isn't something we want to be involved with. We are a business.... it's about making money.
Being involved in the charitable end of business you would think that the above words would be a reflection of the 'NON' charitable side of business but you would be wrong. Those are direct statements over the years from people who run charitable organizations.
I guess I was raised by a mom who would give anything she had to someone who was in need. She has never been someone who is overly materialistic even though she is a pack rat! But the pack rat in her is more about nostalgia, memories, and remembering the good ol’ days.
My mom taught me that if someone needs your help.... you help. But I watch every day as business becomes the front for not having to help people. We can hide behind business, corporation, policies, bi-laws, all we want but the reality is always in our face that when we turn down helping people we just 'chose' not to help. It has nothing to do with business and everything to do with loving your neighbour.
And even loving your neighbour, in our culture, has seemed to have made a semantic transition of meaning. It no longer means give unconditionally. It means give to others so that you can build a good network of potential connections that will benefit your future.
Business is the anti-christ of our culture. It is the anti-community; the anti-healthy humanity; and the anti-good will towards man. For instance, business wants to help build culture but only if it increases revenue. Business wants to help community but only if it means happy customers that come back to buy more. Business wants to help humanity but only if it gets a tax receipt. And business will always be nice to its neighbour because that brings repeat customers[1].
Is this bad? Is it wrong? What I know for now is that we are living under a democratic corporate fascism under the guise of simple democracy. Corporations are destroying our world. Presently, they are here to plunder and take what they can from those of us who are willing to give[2]. And corporations are the idols of most businesses worldwide. Owners of businesses want to be the ones that are bringing in mass amounts of money. The small businesses are just smaller versions of their larger idol the 'corporation'.[3]
The one thing I liked about church was this. If the people didn’t like the leadership they spoke with their pocket books and their feet. You could simply stop giving or leave. And in both cases if one occurred on a mass scale the leadership was finished.
The problem with our society is that the rulers have put laws into place to throw us into jail if we stop paying taxes. And secondly, we can’t just up and walk out of the country ‘en masse’ because simply put, ‘There is no place to go!’.
So we are in a bit of a dilemma. The dilemma being, “How do we take back control of our lives, our communities and our countries, in the confines of corporate fascism?”
If we had a policy set in place that after every 7 years everyone’s balance got set back to zero and we all started over then maybe we could do it but alas that doesn’t exist.[4] Or if we could buy land somewhere and start our own communities apart from the government and big business then maybe we could do it. But again, what land and with what money?
And there is the other dilemma. Securing the money needed to get land or reducing the equation, getting the land. Where can someone without money either get money for the land or get the land without money without getting help from big business.
Everyone wants money and more of it. I am no exception to that rule but I will be blatantly truthful. I want more so I can give more. I want a large screen tv so that I can have friends over to watch a movie. I want a car so I can go visit people or let people borrow the car. I give my tv’s away if I get a new one (free of charge). I got a new table given to me the other week. I gave ours away to someone who needed one. I want a ranch to raise cows, horses, food, make my own energy, and have people live on the property with us as an eco community. I want but only for the purpose of sharing and being independent of the corporations that exist.
I want power over my own life and in order to do that I need to get out from under the thumb of the corporations. There is where the bigger problem comes into existence. Big business is what our country is now based on. And big business runs government. So in order to get to a place where I am not dependant on big business I have to use big business to get enough money to separate from them. Or do I?
There has to be businesses out there that are doing it right. They are working within the community for the benefit of the community in a way that isn’t trying to take more then what it gives. There have to be Sustainable businesses[5] in existence. And these businesses are the ones I want to align myself with or even create. But again another challenge exists. Within the structure of our communities how can we create a sustainable business?
For instance, what about a coffee shop? Could we make this both practically and philosophically sustainable? What I mean is this: Does coffee serve a purpose to our community? Is there a trade off value for the community? For example, is paying money/items for coffee the best use for community resources?
Where does the coffee come from? Why do we need it? Are there more needed resources that should be sold/bartered. What about the communal aspect of a coffee shop? Is that a needed aspect to community? But do we have to have it in a business format? Could the community look at the business as a way of them helping the owner and at the same time the owner providing them with a place to congregate and philosophize?
(Taking a break from this….will write more late)
[1] Recognize that I am talking in generalities. Not every known business in the world is like this. Some business are legitimately trying their best to be ethical, loving, moral and a benfit to humanity. These business are the ones we should be looking to for an example.
[2] We give willingly because we have been lulled into the belief that we need what the corporation has to offer.
[3] And even though I am using words like corporation and business, remember, that its people running them. And so again corporations and businesses and hence why I believe that businesses are a ruse in order to make it 'okay' to be immoral in the treatment of others.
[4] This is the big problem. And oddly enough the realization of this came to me through playing video games. Whoever started the game at the beginning of its release (or even during beta testing) would be the people who ended up dominating the game world. In some games the server resets every so often to level the playing field again but in games like WOW you would see people out of frustration head to other servers that were new because on a new server they could become King.
[5] By sustainable businesses I mean businesses that are actually beneficial to the community who by that definition would be dealing with the culture, community and eco system in a sustainable way.
Being involved in the charitable end of business you would think that the above words would be a reflection of the 'NON' charitable side of business but you would be wrong. Those are direct statements over the years from people who run charitable organizations.
I guess I was raised by a mom who would give anything she had to someone who was in need. She has never been someone who is overly materialistic even though she is a pack rat! But the pack rat in her is more about nostalgia, memories, and remembering the good ol’ days.
My mom taught me that if someone needs your help.... you help. But I watch every day as business becomes the front for not having to help people. We can hide behind business, corporation, policies, bi-laws, all we want but the reality is always in our face that when we turn down helping people we just 'chose' not to help. It has nothing to do with business and everything to do with loving your neighbour.
And even loving your neighbour, in our culture, has seemed to have made a semantic transition of meaning. It no longer means give unconditionally. It means give to others so that you can build a good network of potential connections that will benefit your future.
Business is the anti-christ of our culture. It is the anti-community; the anti-healthy humanity; and the anti-good will towards man. For instance, business wants to help build culture but only if it increases revenue. Business wants to help community but only if it means happy customers that come back to buy more. Business wants to help humanity but only if it gets a tax receipt. And business will always be nice to its neighbour because that brings repeat customers[1].
Is this bad? Is it wrong? What I know for now is that we are living under a democratic corporate fascism under the guise of simple democracy. Corporations are destroying our world. Presently, they are here to plunder and take what they can from those of us who are willing to give[2]. And corporations are the idols of most businesses worldwide. Owners of businesses want to be the ones that are bringing in mass amounts of money. The small businesses are just smaller versions of their larger idol the 'corporation'.[3]
The one thing I liked about church was this. If the people didn’t like the leadership they spoke with their pocket books and their feet. You could simply stop giving or leave. And in both cases if one occurred on a mass scale the leadership was finished.
The problem with our society is that the rulers have put laws into place to throw us into jail if we stop paying taxes. And secondly, we can’t just up and walk out of the country ‘en masse’ because simply put, ‘There is no place to go!’.
So we are in a bit of a dilemma. The dilemma being, “How do we take back control of our lives, our communities and our countries, in the confines of corporate fascism?”
If we had a policy set in place that after every 7 years everyone’s balance got set back to zero and we all started over then maybe we could do it but alas that doesn’t exist.[4] Or if we could buy land somewhere and start our own communities apart from the government and big business then maybe we could do it. But again, what land and with what money?
And there is the other dilemma. Securing the money needed to get land or reducing the equation, getting the land. Where can someone without money either get money for the land or get the land without money without getting help from big business.
Everyone wants money and more of it. I am no exception to that rule but I will be blatantly truthful. I want more so I can give more. I want a large screen tv so that I can have friends over to watch a movie. I want a car so I can go visit people or let people borrow the car. I give my tv’s away if I get a new one (free of charge). I got a new table given to me the other week. I gave ours away to someone who needed one. I want a ranch to raise cows, horses, food, make my own energy, and have people live on the property with us as an eco community. I want but only for the purpose of sharing and being independent of the corporations that exist.
I want power over my own life and in order to do that I need to get out from under the thumb of the corporations. There is where the bigger problem comes into existence. Big business is what our country is now based on. And big business runs government. So in order to get to a place where I am not dependant on big business I have to use big business to get enough money to separate from them. Or do I?
There has to be businesses out there that are doing it right. They are working within the community for the benefit of the community in a way that isn’t trying to take more then what it gives. There have to be Sustainable businesses[5] in existence. And these businesses are the ones I want to align myself with or even create. But again another challenge exists. Within the structure of our communities how can we create a sustainable business?
For instance, what about a coffee shop? Could we make this both practically and philosophically sustainable? What I mean is this: Does coffee serve a purpose to our community? Is there a trade off value for the community? For example, is paying money/items for coffee the best use for community resources?
Where does the coffee come from? Why do we need it? Are there more needed resources that should be sold/bartered. What about the communal aspect of a coffee shop? Is that a needed aspect to community? But do we have to have it in a business format? Could the community look at the business as a way of them helping the owner and at the same time the owner providing them with a place to congregate and philosophize?
(Taking a break from this….will write more late)
[1] Recognize that I am talking in generalities. Not every known business in the world is like this. Some business are legitimately trying their best to be ethical, loving, moral and a benfit to humanity. These business are the ones we should be looking to for an example.
[2] We give willingly because we have been lulled into the belief that we need what the corporation has to offer.
[3] And even though I am using words like corporation and business, remember, that its people running them. And so again corporations and businesses and hence why I believe that businesses are a ruse in order to make it 'okay' to be immoral in the treatment of others.
[4] This is the big problem. And oddly enough the realization of this came to me through playing video games. Whoever started the game at the beginning of its release (or even during beta testing) would be the people who ended up dominating the game world. In some games the server resets every so often to level the playing field again but in games like WOW you would see people out of frustration head to other servers that were new because on a new server they could become King.
[5] By sustainable businesses I mean businesses that are actually beneficial to the community who by that definition would be dealing with the culture, community and eco system in a sustainable way.
Monday, October 13, 2008
The synopsis of biblical leaders (from the evangelical canon)
The snake, metaphorical or not, apparently rebelled against God (if this was Satan).
Eve, duped by the snake, disobeys God.
Adam, duped by Eve, disobeys God.
Cain kills Abel.
All are punished accordingly.
The snake loses his natural born right to walk.
Eve loses her natural born right not to feel pain during child birth.
Adam has to feel the pain of tilling the ground for his food. No more easy picking fruit for him.
God places some visible mark on Cain that tells people not to kill him. Oh and he had to move out of the land. God had to make sure the punishment fit the crime.
----
Noah, gets friggin drunk to the point where he passes out naked, and one of his sons laughs at him and tells his brothers. Well, Noah doesn't get punished but Ham sure as hell did. Hello curse! Great curse.... more about that later.
Babel people. Man they really messed up. They were devising a way to have a universal language. Bad idea peeps. God don't like it when people can apparently communicate with one another..... it could mean they would accomplish anything they set their hearts and minds to.
Abram lies to the pharaoh about Sarai being his sister. Pharaoh gets cursed because he likes Sarai.
So lets recap.
Noah gets drunk.... no punishment. Shem mocks him.... gets cursed.
Babel people build city and universal language and they get punished. Dispersement with new languages.
Abram lies and Pharaoh gets cursed. Holy shit. Lesson? We will get to that later.
----
Abram is given a maidservant by his wife. Gotta love a wife like that! He only did it to have a child. (I am sure he didn't enjoy any of it. Dreadful experience.)
Sarai hates her maidservant and starts beating her. The maidservant runs away with Ishmael (Abrams son).
Sarai laughs at God when God tells her she will have a baby at 90. He confronts her. She lies.
Sodom and Gomorrah. Well, they treated people poorly. Result? Nuke. Well, something similar to a nuke anyway. God played etch a sketch.
Lot was going to let the townspeople rape his daughters. Nice gesture. The townspeople wanted some other type of 'sex' apparently.
Lots wife, well she turned around, when God told her not to look back. Pillar of salt. She was the wanker who turned around.
Recap.
Abram has sex with his maidservant, with the permission of his wife. No punishment.
Sarai, beats on her maidserverant. No punishment.
Ishmael, the son, is blessed/cursed by God? He will be at war all the time.
Sarai lies to God. No punishment.
Sodom. Well, come on, they got what they had coming. Don't give to the poor. Get rained on by fire.
I guess its okay to offer your daughters as sex slaves. No punishment.
Lots wife. Reminds me of an old story. Eve perhaps? Will women never learn? It's like adding salt to the wound.... owie!
----
Lot, well he gets drunk one night and is so drunk that he can't recognize that his daughters
are the ones arousing his genetalia. He has sex with them.... both.... at 2 different x's. Ummm.....can we say.... what the hell?
Abram (now Abraham), has a prepencity for lying to Pharaohs about his wife. Guess what...the jackass did it again! Guess who got punished!? Does that make Abraham an asshole?
Sarai (now Sarah) tells Abraham to boot out Hagar and Ishmael. He does. Poor treatment of another human being comes to mind right about now.
Recap.
Incest and drunkeness. No punishement. For either time.
Can we say.... the wrong person keeps getting cursed? Abraham... loves a good prank!
Okay.... Sodom and Gomorah.... etch a sketch..... Sarah..... ......... ........... cough cough....... .......
Let's skip onto some other ones.
Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob and Esau, and Laban. Oh my god. Let's just call this story the day God stood still.
Samson. Has sex before marriage...lol. Kills dozens of people.
Elijah. Death to many prophets by fire.
Elisha. Some kids call him baldy. Death to kids who call men baldies!!!
Joseph is a messianic archetype so he does nothing wrong. Daniel is the same thing. Presented as perfect people. And then Jesus of Nazareth also presented as perfect.
Job.... too self involved... thinking he knows better then God. Errr..... hold on here.... didn't God make a cosmic bet with Satan to let Satan do anything with Job? Really? And we are okay with that? We are subject to God betting?
Moses. Oh good ol Moses. That poor bastard. Wandered around in a desert for 40 years because he didn't do something right. Well, he did murder someone but he didnt get punished by God for that. Unless tending sheep for a couple decades , meeting your wife and having kids, is punishment.
But get this... Moses hits the rock more times then what God stated (the adam eve thing again) and he doesn't get to go into the promised land that he had been wandering in the desert to get to for 40 years!!!!!
The Israelites or Mosites worship a gold statue. God opens the earth and kills half of them.
David. Sex, sex, and errrr more sex. Oh then lying. Cause it wasn't just sex... it was adultery. Oh and it wasn't just lying.... it then became murdering her husband. Punishment? His unborn child....dies. Sigh.
Solomon....considered the wisest man to ever live. And he got drunk, slept with prostitutes, wasted money, partied, had endless amounts of sex with hundreds of wives concubines and others. Worshipped other Gods. Punishment? Ya none.
----
So.....what are the lessons? I have no idea. It all seems like friggin chaos to me. Some people get punished for eating a fruit. Others get punished for hitting a rock. And then some people can friggin do almost the most criminal things imaginable with no God punishment. OR people can do horrid things but then others get punished because of their actions. That is a friggin pisser.
What I do find interesting is that the Israelites were going into kill the Canannites, who were their relatives and that this was a blessed action by God. Remember the curse on Ham? Ham was the father of Canaan. Well guess the curse is coming to fruition. Cause the Sons of Israel are coming to wipe out their cousins.
Anyway, the problems abound as I work through the weight of information that appears conflicting.
BUT to my main point for writing this. What I do find interesting is how Christians (not all but many in my circles) with the legacy, just presented, can stand in judgement of others when they make bad choices in life. All there leaders minus a few exceptions ie the fabled stories are 'fucked up'. They all made mistakes that were horendous.
The greatest problem with evangelical christians is the arrogance of thinking they are better then everyone else (including those amongst them who make bad choices in life). And sadly this has been taught considerably by the modernist who taught that they had the corner on the truth. For example, the bible is perfect. We have the perfect interpretation of the bible. Therefore we are perfect in our thinking and can judge people accordingly.
Every day I watch as people judge me for my bad choices in life, even though I have taken the steps to rectify my bad choices, made amends, etc. I watch as they talk to me, now, as if I am inferior to them. I see the disgust, the disdain, the arrogance, in their eyes, their gestures, their words. It almost becomes debilitating.
Some days you feel like killing yourself. Other days you feel like killing them. And some days you can live in the 'now' and move on. And still somedays I imagine myself preaching to them lambasting them for their arrogance.
I wish at times that I could just sit in a rustic coffee shop with people who wanted to talk about life, love, god, philosophy etc. while I sip on a coffee, laughing, crying, hoping, remembering, or simply quiet and listening.
Instead, I sit with pain, feeling judgment, being made to feel less then nothing, unsure of how to step away from the feelings. I know that thoughts are generated by the 'I' but the I is being influenced by the christian media of judgment right now. I need to figure out how to stop allowing the media to infiltrate the I or to filter it so the I is able to produce thoughts that are good. The thoughts I am having now are eating away at me. They are severing my connection to the 'WE' or to the god collective or whatever it is lol.
I guess in some ways what this is teaching me is that I was grossly dependant upon corporate religion in the same way that I am dependant on corporate oil, energy and agriculture. I must free myself of all these. I must tread a new path and build a new network based on love and not religion. I must build relationships that are fostered on a commitment to love not on a commitment to a denomination or faith group. To put dependance in a faith group forces a person to make decisions that may go contrary to their value systems if they wish to be supported and helped by that faith group. This is unhealthy and foolish.
Perhaps I will write more later.
Eve, duped by the snake, disobeys God.
Adam, duped by Eve, disobeys God.
Cain kills Abel.
All are punished accordingly.
The snake loses his natural born right to walk.
Eve loses her natural born right not to feel pain during child birth.
Adam has to feel the pain of tilling the ground for his food. No more easy picking fruit for him.
God places some visible mark on Cain that tells people not to kill him. Oh and he had to move out of the land. God had to make sure the punishment fit the crime.
----
Noah, gets friggin drunk to the point where he passes out naked, and one of his sons laughs at him and tells his brothers. Well, Noah doesn't get punished but Ham sure as hell did. Hello curse! Great curse.... more about that later.
Babel people. Man they really messed up. They were devising a way to have a universal language. Bad idea peeps. God don't like it when people can apparently communicate with one another..... it could mean they would accomplish anything they set their hearts and minds to.
Abram lies to the pharaoh about Sarai being his sister. Pharaoh gets cursed because he likes Sarai.
So lets recap.
Noah gets drunk.... no punishment. Shem mocks him.... gets cursed.
Babel people build city and universal language and they get punished. Dispersement with new languages.
Abram lies and Pharaoh gets cursed. Holy shit. Lesson? We will get to that later.
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Abram is given a maidservant by his wife. Gotta love a wife like that! He only did it to have a child. (I am sure he didn't enjoy any of it. Dreadful experience.)
Sarai hates her maidservant and starts beating her. The maidservant runs away with Ishmael (Abrams son).
Sarai laughs at God when God tells her she will have a baby at 90. He confronts her. She lies.
Sodom and Gomorrah. Well, they treated people poorly. Result? Nuke. Well, something similar to a nuke anyway. God played etch a sketch.
Lot was going to let the townspeople rape his daughters. Nice gesture. The townspeople wanted some other type of 'sex' apparently.
Lots wife, well she turned around, when God told her not to look back. Pillar of salt. She was the wanker who turned around.
Recap.
Abram has sex with his maidservant, with the permission of his wife. No punishment.
Sarai, beats on her maidserverant. No punishment.
Ishmael, the son, is blessed/cursed by God? He will be at war all the time.
Sarai lies to God. No punishment.
Sodom. Well, come on, they got what they had coming. Don't give to the poor. Get rained on by fire.
I guess its okay to offer your daughters as sex slaves. No punishment.
Lots wife. Reminds me of an old story. Eve perhaps? Will women never learn? It's like adding salt to the wound.... owie!
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Lot, well he gets drunk one night and is so drunk that he can't recognize that his daughters
are the ones arousing his genetalia. He has sex with them.... both.... at 2 different x's. Ummm.....can we say.... what the hell?
Abram (now Abraham), has a prepencity for lying to Pharaohs about his wife. Guess what...the jackass did it again! Guess who got punished!? Does that make Abraham an asshole?
Sarai (now Sarah) tells Abraham to boot out Hagar and Ishmael. He does. Poor treatment of another human being comes to mind right about now.
Recap.
Incest and drunkeness. No punishement. For either time.
Can we say.... the wrong person keeps getting cursed? Abraham... loves a good prank!
Okay.... Sodom and Gomorah.... etch a sketch..... Sarah..... ......... ........... cough cough....... .......
Let's skip onto some other ones.
Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob and Esau, and Laban. Oh my god. Let's just call this story the day God stood still.
Samson. Has sex before marriage...lol. Kills dozens of people.
Elijah. Death to many prophets by fire.
Elisha. Some kids call him baldy. Death to kids who call men baldies!!!
Joseph is a messianic archetype so he does nothing wrong. Daniel is the same thing. Presented as perfect people. And then Jesus of Nazareth also presented as perfect.
Job.... too self involved... thinking he knows better then God. Errr..... hold on here.... didn't God make a cosmic bet with Satan to let Satan do anything with Job? Really? And we are okay with that? We are subject to God betting?
Moses. Oh good ol Moses. That poor bastard. Wandered around in a desert for 40 years because he didn't do something right. Well, he did murder someone but he didnt get punished by God for that. Unless tending sheep for a couple decades , meeting your wife and having kids, is punishment.
But get this... Moses hits the rock more times then what God stated (the adam eve thing again) and he doesn't get to go into the promised land that he had been wandering in the desert to get to for 40 years!!!!!
The Israelites or Mosites worship a gold statue. God opens the earth and kills half of them.
David. Sex, sex, and errrr more sex. Oh then lying. Cause it wasn't just sex... it was adultery. Oh and it wasn't just lying.... it then became murdering her husband. Punishment? His unborn child....dies. Sigh.
Solomon....considered the wisest man to ever live. And he got drunk, slept with prostitutes, wasted money, partied, had endless amounts of sex with hundreds of wives concubines and others. Worshipped other Gods. Punishment? Ya none.
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So.....what are the lessons? I have no idea. It all seems like friggin chaos to me. Some people get punished for eating a fruit. Others get punished for hitting a rock. And then some people can friggin do almost the most criminal things imaginable with no God punishment. OR people can do horrid things but then others get punished because of their actions. That is a friggin pisser.
What I do find interesting is that the Israelites were going into kill the Canannites, who were their relatives and that this was a blessed action by God. Remember the curse on Ham? Ham was the father of Canaan. Well guess the curse is coming to fruition. Cause the Sons of Israel are coming to wipe out their cousins.
Anyway, the problems abound as I work through the weight of information that appears conflicting.
BUT to my main point for writing this. What I do find interesting is how Christians (not all but many in my circles) with the legacy, just presented, can stand in judgement of others when they make bad choices in life. All there leaders minus a few exceptions ie the fabled stories are 'fucked up'. They all made mistakes that were horendous.
The greatest problem with evangelical christians is the arrogance of thinking they are better then everyone else (including those amongst them who make bad choices in life). And sadly this has been taught considerably by the modernist who taught that they had the corner on the truth. For example, the bible is perfect. We have the perfect interpretation of the bible. Therefore we are perfect in our thinking and can judge people accordingly.
Every day I watch as people judge me for my bad choices in life, even though I have taken the steps to rectify my bad choices, made amends, etc. I watch as they talk to me, now, as if I am inferior to them. I see the disgust, the disdain, the arrogance, in their eyes, their gestures, their words. It almost becomes debilitating.
Some days you feel like killing yourself. Other days you feel like killing them. And some days you can live in the 'now' and move on. And still somedays I imagine myself preaching to them lambasting them for their arrogance.
I wish at times that I could just sit in a rustic coffee shop with people who wanted to talk about life, love, god, philosophy etc. while I sip on a coffee, laughing, crying, hoping, remembering, or simply quiet and listening.
Instead, I sit with pain, feeling judgment, being made to feel less then nothing, unsure of how to step away from the feelings. I know that thoughts are generated by the 'I' but the I is being influenced by the christian media of judgment right now. I need to figure out how to stop allowing the media to infiltrate the I or to filter it so the I is able to produce thoughts that are good. The thoughts I am having now are eating away at me. They are severing my connection to the 'WE' or to the god collective or whatever it is lol.
I guess in some ways what this is teaching me is that I was grossly dependant upon corporate religion in the same way that I am dependant on corporate oil, energy and agriculture. I must free myself of all these. I must tread a new path and build a new network based on love and not religion. I must build relationships that are fostered on a commitment to love not on a commitment to a denomination or faith group. To put dependance in a faith group forces a person to make decisions that may go contrary to their value systems if they wish to be supported and helped by that faith group. This is unhealthy and foolish.
Perhaps I will write more later.
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